I have to write today,vent out my feelings..i don't know why..i'm just typing,shifting from one key to another..I am restless,irritated,not happy..multiple reasons or no reason at all,I don't know..

I feel lonely,i long to talk to someone,bare my soul to someone..n I can find nobody,nobody I can go to n talk to...yes talk,when did it become such a big deal,I thought I was good at it,good at talking and good at finding an audience.. n all of a sudden I'm this reclusive,pissed off person..words n thoughts dry out ,are hard to come by and then there's this feeling of blankness..

I couldn't go home,did i want to? I dunno..my heart said yes,my mind was confused or was it vice versa.I still have to figure that out..Why is it that I always act like an emotional fool.I probably expect a lot out of people,or do I? There's always an afterthought that says why are you acting kiddish ?U'r so grown up,you need to act mature...I do act mature,it's just that my act and my feelings are in conflict...

I do feel bad at what might be called stupid stuff,,is it stupid? i don't know again...i mean people may have their own reasons to do things,things that might be very natural,harmless,with no bad intention whatsoever..what hurts is not what has been done,but the fact that people don't understand why I feel what I feel..am I a bad communicator or the timing isn't proper...I care too much probably,I become dependent perhaps..I should not,but then I tell this to myself each time n then smash! one more blow n the same resolution stares me in my face...Why? Be your own person , don't expect too much out of any relationship..Is that possible? I don't know..but this is not the first time I'm feeling this way..probably I expect more because I try to do more..overdo, nah! do more is ok..I can't help myself..again the same emotional fool syndrome...grow up!! I'm perhaps overreacting.I am, I know..but why?It doesn't happen everytime..or maybe it isn't a reaction to just this time..maybe,maybe not...uff,I'm feeling no good,I want to shout...or cry or laugh..I want to express at least one emotion in extreme...